Getting Old

Getting Old FARM HOME Miscellaneous 30-2-5 Reporters interviewing a 104-year old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure." • The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs. • I've sure gotten old. I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees. Fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation. Hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license. • A 97-year-old man goes into his doctor's office and says, "Doc, I want my sex drive lowered." "Sir," replied the doctor, you're 97. Don't you think your sex drive is all in your head?" "You're darn right it is!" replied the old man. "That's why I want it lowered!" • My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be. • I've still got it but nobody wants to see it. • These days, about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief." • The Senility Prayer: Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

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